doomishdoom

being, eating, and percents

2006-01-04T05:15:32Z

Okay, so this program won't let you write as much as you want to in the subject, which is dumb. So I'm going to rebel and write the longest title that I want to right here on the acutal entry. Here goes.

O, twas blessed to be, and then came chocolate, and made it blessed to eat, and then came Nutrition Labels, and made being a lot less blessed, and then came percentages that made the Nutrition Labels a lot tamer, and then came the 2,000 calorie diet which made the percents really really big (especially on chocolate), and then came Richard Simmons and nobody got any bloody chocolate as long as he was dancing his way across America in spandex calling everyone fat and unhappy, and finally came sugar free chocolate, which tasted a lot like freshly baked cardboard that has had several pairs of dull rusty scissors scraped unceremoniously across it with just a hint of cooking cocoa on just the handles of the scissors but to which Richard Simmons could say nothing, which made being, eating, and percents a lot more blessed all over again!

Now on with my entry....OH look at the time....must be going now! Au revoir!

So now this is getting really annoying

2005-12-07T16:11:38Z

Hello Earth, So now I'm bloody angry with this bloody program because it bloody deleted the entry that I was about to put in and worked so hard to write......bloody livejournal.... But anyway, my subject in the entry that should have been was regarding, of course, Skyler. As you may have seen in my last entry I paid her what was meant to be a compliment when I said that she was the most amazing person ever to eat a cheeseburger with fries with a white man on Main Street. Skyler, however, chose to start a battle of words in which we tried to out-do each other with our strange analogies. This battle took place through the little "Comments" area of this bloody program and as some of the inhabitants of the Earth to which my entry to be was directed may never acutally GO to this "Comments" area, I will now relate the spar which ensued directly after my compliment of fast food, caucasians, and the proverbial Main Street:

Posted By Skyler:

I am pretty much the most amazing person to ever eat a cheeseburger with fries with a white man on main street. Although, truth be told, I prefer black men. ;)

ILOVEYOU. I'm going to miss you more than an eggplant rollerskating up a big hill while listening to Yanni and headbanging. How 'bout THEM apples?

Posted in direct response to the response posted by Skyler in response to my first entry....that was far too long:

my dear, never try to out-strange-analogy me, I will win

My very dearest skyler, no eggplant that ever rollerskated up a big hill listening to Yanni and headbanging could ever compare to the way that I will miss you as follows; I will miss you more than a left-brained moose squeezing a racoon under each armpit while sailing gracefully through a cheeze factory on a mickey-mouse-shaped bananna milkshake while calling constantly for his lost rabbitfaced-lammariding-metaleating-lungbreathing-hairstraigtening-exoticdancing-teddy-snake with a loud "HERMINERM HERMINERM" that he creates by clutching his antlers with his tougne and running his hairy lips over his slightly exposed teeth and screaming like a little girl who just spilled last year's bad face wash on her favorite brand-new red-hot betty-boop pajama bottoms.

My First time....'till now I had been a Live Journal virgin.....ah the good old days...

2005-12-07T05:12:47Z

Hello Earth,
As long as I have you listening, I suppose I should tell you something interesting or special. I should tell you something wonderful or delightful, insightful or deep. I should express my mind in wirds that only I could make up and pen. But wouldn't that be as cliche' as a cheesburger with fries being eaten by a white male in a ford on main street. So, what I would rather do, is tell you about this actor named Skyler, who is only about the most amazing person to ever eat a cheeseburger with fries with a white man on main street, and how much we are going to miss each other over our 4 week Christmas vacation....OOPS, I'm supposed to say "holiday" vacation, just for the Jews, anyway, so, here's a funny little conversation that we had about going home for Christmas...DANGIT there I go again...sorry Jews....HOLIDAY vacation.

Michael: well, my love, needless to say, I shall feel quite incomplete without you there with me
Skyler: i will be completely vapid and empty without you
Michael: there shall lie, in my soul, verily in the deapths of my being, an emptiness, a void, a dismal abyss, clinging to the shreds of your memory, and of its last glimpse of wholeness. Rent with torment, I shall lie in waste, useless without your preasence, your touch, your love....and desperate to hold you again
Michael: but, oh, the joy of your meeting, the thrill of being once again complete, to feel in my soul the binding of the two halves, so previously split in devastated two
Skyler: my soul is nothing, an empty and dark plane wraught with dispair and i shall never smile until mine eyes are again laid upon your face
Michael: and so it shall be with mine, until our next happy meeting; for if this short stretch of one night till the next morn wains so long, how many years I shall wait twixt goodbye till hello